I’ve felt safe here for a while. It’s nice and I enjoy it. Why would I leave? It would be harder to leave anyway and it will be more difficult out there. So why do I want to leave?
I know this place but it’s lonely. I know every plant now, every hide hole, every rock, every landmark. I understand it all so maybe it’s time to move on. It’s safe and reassuring but it’s my comfort zone.
If I want something better I have to leave my comfort zone. I have to go out into the unknown ocean and find something better.
Maybe I’ll get lucky.
After a long period of working hard and preparing for everything I believe I am finally ready to set out in the ocean. I am ready to face the unknown.
It’s been a while since I left the safer island but I’m doing fine. I’ve prepared myself very well. The ocean is scary but I think I’m doing very well. So far so good. I think I’ve got everything going smoothly right now.
Yeah, that all went down the drain now. Everything is ruined now. I haven’t seen any catchable fish for a while now and all my water has run out. I’m trying but it’s going really badly.
I’m about to pass out now. I’ve thought a lot about this journey. What does it even mean? This is all I think about while I lay here.
I run my hands through the sea and feel my chapped lips smile weakly. This ocean is like my thoughts. They flow and create waves. They take me places. My thoughts make me able to learn and take me to a place where I’ve grown.
That island was like my personal check point. I had to leave it when I stayed there too long. If I hadn’t it would have been like I was a 10 year-old trying to fit into a toddlers clothes. That can’t work. I was like the lobsters shedding their shells. I can’t stay there when I’m growing.
It feels like I’m free here now. Last time I was scared and I am still but at least I chose to be here this time. I chose to search for knowledge and to find a better place. I wanted to be the best I could be so I couldn’t stay somewhere where I couldn’t grow.
I am cold, but warm at the same time. I understand a little more now. My eyes are closing but at least my heart and mind are free to keep looking. I’ve grown. I’ve learned so much. How can I feel selfish now? I am happy in a weird way.
Trying to learn more. Searching for knowledge. All of this is difficult. Maybe all this work is worth it though. Something is going to work out. I was doing fine before, but I feel like I know more now.
I think I hear something. I think something is happening. I hear voices, or at least what I think is voices. I haven’t heard them in a while.
I think. I think I’m ok now.
Even so, I’ll have to go out in the ocean again someday. Maybe I wont be alone next time. Maybe I was never really alone.