12: Perfection should never exist

Image by Graela via Flickr

Isn’t perfect scary? Who would want to be perfect? I don’t understand that need. It would be predictable and annoying not to mention just plain boring. It’s also impossible and rightfully so.

People strive to be perfect and that is just silly to me. Why would you want to strive for something that is not reachable? What is perfect anyway? Who came up with such a silly word? Some think of it to be without any faults or defects but isn’t that impossible? You can tell that its been debated because they add to it stuff like “satisfying all requirements” or “as close as possible” is sort of like qualifying it. Perfect used in the term of “Ideal” is an acceptable use of the word but some people really believe that someone is perfect or should strive for it. What a silly view.

Perfect is boring. Sometimes the gems with the blemishes and imperfections are the most beautiful and interesting. The “Ideal” person doesn’t make it the best or the most wonderful one. Who would want to be perfect anyway? Isn’t that hard to keep up?

Perfect means you are at the limit, the end of your existence and can’t and wouldn’t be able to advance any further. How depressing. Who wants to reach a limit? Who wants to be just perfect? Who wants to be “Ideal” or “Satisfying”? Nobody should want that.

We should want to be better. Become our best and work to be better. If we got to a point of “Perfection” wouldn’t that be depressing? Our life would hold no other meaning anymore. If someone could even grasp perfection then what else would they have to do anymore? They would have no meaning anymore.

This is how I feel though. Maybe I’m wrong or whatever but I find perfect to be annoying and terrifying as well as impossible.

I should hope that perfection never exists, ever. It would be a bad day, depressing and the world would lose all meaning. I want to always strive to be better.

I want to work and work and sweat and fight and tire and try again the next day. I want a battle and I want to be better. I am selfish and greedy, I want more and I want to be smarter and I want to be more understanding. I want so much. I want everything.

Perfect would get in the way. There is no perfect. There is no “Ideal”. There is only better.

I want to work and be better. I want to keep living to be better. I want the best and then I want something better than that.

I am greedy but I want to work to get there. It can get better.

Perfect will never exist for us humans.

Perfect is stupid, I look for something higher up than that.

Don’t you want to look higher too?

8: Locked Doors

Image by m thierry via Flickr

Locked doors. Are they not curious? I mean when you see something that’s locked are you not a little bit curious as to whats behind it?

When you’re little, girls especially, have these diaries with locks on them with cute little pictures and rainbow-colored paper. They were fun and interesting but hard to keep up with, at least it was for me. I was looking through one of mine the other day and well, I realize that they were pretty lame. It’s hard to realize how silly and unimportant the things in your life was back then. Even only a year ago, something you thought that was important feels pretty insignificant now.

We lock things because we find them important enough to hide. Maybe its to keep out of our own temptation or maybe the temptation of others, but what ever the reason there are locks out there.

Sometimes we want to hide things but other times people use locks to protect whats precious to them too. Feelings and thoughts that are for one person alone, those are important and priceless sometimes. Those feelings can be embarrassing and are private, no one wants to be revealed.

Things that are locked inside of us are harder to open. You can’t force open those inner locks. Keys for something like that are even harder to find and harder to use.

Secrets and hidden things are important for people. It gives them a sense of security with themself. Nobody want’s to be figured out so easily, nobody want’s to be vulnerable.

It’s hard to open up and trust. It’s hard to take off a lock and hope that a closed-door is enough for people. It’s hard to trust someone with a key and hope that they don’t misuse it. Trusting is difficult. It takes time to feel comfortable with it.

Maybe I have too many locks but I hope that’s understandable. It’s not a big deal is it? To want to protect myself? Sometimes I don’t pay attention and forget. It can be frightening to look up and realize someone easily got through.

You curse yourself for your silliness and then the person has to start all over again.

I’m sorry person.

Some people are guarded like me. Give them a chance. It takes time. When they pull away, they don’t really mean it to be harsh. They are just hiding because they are scared.

We are all really just scared.

1: Changing

We are all changing. Its like when our hair grows out. You never really notice how long it’s getting untill you look a photo months ago or when you see someone after a long time. Those little changes seem like nothing at the moment of their existence but later on you realize that you’re a different person. Completely covered by that new and changing form you just recently just brushed on.

It’s the layers you gather over the years, or the leaves you grow over time like a plant. How much is covering us right now? Where is the 5-year-old we were years ago? I can’t ever remember that well anymore. Memories have faded and the world is changing slowly. So slowly that we don’t even notice.

How can we?

We are so focused. So intent of do things in a certain way at a certain time that we can’t seem to look around all the time and notice the changes. With our blinders on we can hardly see when to turn and like a horse on a race track we are simply told to run and keep running by someone above us that we can’t even physically see. Just like that horse we feel the presence of that force driving us to keep doing what we must.

Change is constant in life. We are growing and dying at the same time. How odd. We grow mentally and even physically but at the same time we are expiring. Dying slowly. Our cells falling from our skin our organs getting older. We are forever aging and yet . . .  growing.

High School is over for me as well as for all my classmates. We are all moving on. Growing up, moving away. I will leave soon too. And another change will occur for me.

It seems that we only notice the changes when a large one happens. Moving or graduating or going to college. Whatever the event, we never notice the changes untill we look in a mirror one day or pack our material items we collected over the years.

I am changing and I can see it. My hair is different and I will be starting a new life soon. Soon I’ll be very different. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be different.

Maybe I’ll know when my hair gets longer. I think it already has grown so much since I got it cut.

Maybe it grew since I last checked.

Maybe you grew too.

Maybe I shall take this up again

So I have changed the look to this blog but nothing has really changed (PS it kinda looks similar to the last style I had it on). It is still a blog and it will do the thing that blogs should do. Talk about something that is what I deem important. Excuse me but this is MY blog and I shall say whatever I like. (self-important deal over with)

This blog has a meaning and it is to realize what is going on deep inside my head. Yes people my mind. I am a thinker. I like to think, it makes me feel alive unlike other crazy forms to feel alive, this one is productive and good to share.

I want to share with everyone something that my good friend shared with me the other day and that is a personality test. Yes I know the first thought to that is ugh another test that tells me something stupid and isn’t even close. Well, I’m not going to say that it’s not true for this test but it did work for me. I would say that it was spot on. It told me a lot about my self that I already knew but it was interesting to see it all out there in one thought. A continuous idea and grasp of my personality in a nutshell.

Ok so I didn’t really get how it got to what it did from those questions but it was very interesting to take the test and get accurate results back.

I suggest you go to the site. I looked it back up on google but it is basically personalitypage.com

I was labeled as the Scientist. INTJ is what I got and I found it to be very accurate with me.

What I read though when going through the site was a quote that completely goes with the title of my blog “Whats behind the mask”

It says that many INTJ’s find it “useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.”

Yeah that’s me to a T.

If you need a deciphering of that well its like this, I am weird and like to keep to myself. People are judgey and can be plain downright mean. I don’t like to hinder my life with useless nonsense so on the surface I am normal. I find it useful to appear normal so as to live my life without people bugging me so much to not be weird. While in fact the whole time I am extremely odd. Take that judgey people I am weird and you can’t do anything to me.

My brother says this all the time. He says that no one knows who I really am. That I think I am smarter than everyone untill proven otherwise and I am actually just lying to everyone.

In part he is correct but I have to say that everyone is like that. I would think a person is extremely foolish to put themselves out there to be hurt so easily like that or extremely brave and strong.

To be honest I would take it objectively and see how they really are. If they are in fact not a complete idiot than brave. If the other. Well foolish is my label for you.

I found that when you look up INTJ in images it brings up a bunch of silly stuff. And to answer those photos from the various sites this is my formal on the record response as an INTJ type person.

“I will takeover the world and melt your brain. Good luck to you.”

I am the one on the right

What makes us different?

La la la lala la la. I decided to share my journal with all of you since I have an odd tendency to take them seriously, and it usually comes out to be good and insightful.

“It is important to be proud to be different.” Amy Tan (1952-present)

While we all have similarities, our differences define us. We all are human and make mistakes but what we do in reaction to those mistakes gives us character.

Our pride can be our strength and our weakness.

Thoughts that run through our minds like that make us individuals. While that particular thought might have been done and said many times before, we are still individuals.

How could that be right?

I would guess that what makes us different, or more so unique, is all of our thoughts. Everything we do, every issue we tackle, all together makes us who we are. Not one thing makes us unique, its all of it.

Our experiences, reactions and feelings together makes us who we are.

I would think that that would be something to be proud of.