33: I am a part of the procrastination nation

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Yeah, I am a terrible procrastinator. It really bad for me because I know I have to do it but I can’t get off my lazy but to actually do it. There are so many procrastination experts out there, who wait until the last moment to do what they have to and slip on by. It can’t last forever though. I have this dream that one day I will do something I don’t want to do, on time and in an orderly fashion. Alas it is still a dream.

It’s not hard to do a project or read an assignment if you are excited for it but every once in a while, more often that you wish, you will be faced with a task that you do not want to do.

I am awful in the way that in the back of my head I can hear my own voice telling me to do something and ringing bells, banging pails and stomping on my cerebellum to send jolts to my nerves so that I might get up and actually do what I have to!

It’s not always that I don’t remember but that I just don’t do it.

The only thing that I can say is that I at least do it most of the time (albeit not always well and maybe not always on time) but in some way I do  something.

I’m not as bad as I’m making myself out to be but I still wish I was better.

That’s a good thing. At least I know that I have a problem and am trying to face it. That’s all that I can do.

Ok fellow procrastinators, we can do it. All we have to do is take that first step you lazy people.

Come on move. You can do it. Get up. Hey. Hey! HEY!!!!! GET UP YOU LAZY JERK!

Yeah, it might take some time………

32: I’m a little worried

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Yeah I know I have college on the brain but can you blame me? I mean It’s less than a month away now. Stuff keeps happening and I at least have the first semester paid for already. So that’s fine.

The thing that might be getting to me is leaving. It hasn’t quite hit me just yet but I guess that’s to be expected. I can’t just realize what it’s going to feel like when I’m gone and in a new place having a roommate for the first time. It’s not something that’s easy to just take.

I’m the kind of person that thinks and thinks and thinks some more before I do anything. I also prepare myself for anything and everything I can before it happens. It’s almost like I’m setting myself up for failure just so I can be prepared for worst case scenario. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it is just something that makes me, me.

It’s something I don’t want to change or grow in. It’s odd but I enjoy being prepared and thinking things through instead of heading head first into a new situation.

I’ve thought this through already and I believe I made an amazing choice but I just worry about myself emotionally.

I’m not an emotional person, I am more logical so I worry about that sometimes. I don’t want to be known as a robot so I make sure to show emotion ever once in a while or at least try to explain my feelings. It’s better than staying silent.

This is my system. I’m worried but that’s a part of the cycle. I’m going to be fine.

I’m just a little worried.

31: Studying

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The college that I am going to, gave me a packet that had materials to read and study up on before school starts on the 26th of August. I can’t say that I’m not happy about it but it doesn’t help that I am a terrible procrastinator. I like to do many things like learn but it can be hard to get excited about it.

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t excited about school. I am so very enthusiastic about going, or as enthusiastic I can feel about it. It takes a lot to get me to show so much emotion. It’s something I’m working on.

One of the things they sent was to learn the greek alphabet. Yeah, that’s right, Greek. It’s so hard! I find myself playing games online like flashcards to help me through the matching of alpha to the symbol or sigma to its perspective letter. I don’t know, it’s just kind of hard.

I’ll keep at it though. It can’t be that hard right?

Right?

Man I hope I figure it out soon. I’m kind of bad at this.

Distrust in Humans

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Thucydides writes The Peloponnesian War not just to record a war that will be known to all time but also to understand human beings. Following his commentary, he expresses his interpretation of how this war reflects humanity and how even though time changes these are truths that humans can’t escape.

War reveals how inhumane humans are. Many people talk of peace and loving ones home and neighbor but there are civil wars and feuds between families. The moment something is harmful to one self such as a plague or loss of wealth, blood means nothing, friends don’t take care of one another and the world that we build and cover with a shiny coating is in reality revealed for what it is. There is only self-interest.

In times of peace people trust one another, and the moment that trust is betrayed  in difficult times, anger and revenge is the driving force of the savageness. This self-interest drives humans to stop peace and start war. Hermocrates, the representative of Sicily, notes that it is their own “individual interests” that led them to war and while they need peace, they will certainly go to war again if they don’t get what they feel to be a “fair agreement.” Wars start and restart for these reasons and in reality “No one is forced to engage in it by ignorance”  and that we as human beings feel that “the gain appears greater than the danger.”

Humans act on this gain and want. They will kill and flip their morals, call them by different names and destroy what they said during times of peace to be what they stand for. “Words had to change their ordinary meaning” is how Thucydides describes this flip and chaos. No one trusted anyone else, their minds changed by the climate of war and this lack of separation of emotions to political decisions causes many to be killed mercilessly.

The moment people feel neglected or are in want of something is the moment that defines us. Fear of that loss or want of that gain is what causes us to lash out and break what we once treasured. Others fear this change and so react accordingly. In the end, no one trusts one another. No one cares for another. Trust in humans is a difficult thing to find and almost seems impossible to keep.

Call for a Leader

Looking around for leaders is not something that is done, rather they are just found. Many times cities or countries are lucky to have found such a leader like Pericles. When elected into office during times of peace a leader has different priorities than that of war. The representative of a group of people are expected to do what the majority pleases because they are there to relay the will of The People rather than their own will. This ideology has many snags that cause problems, those most evident during times of war.

In the case of Athens during the Peloponnesian War between Sparta, Pericles is a leader who falls into a situation where the snags of this idea of the “representative” begins to unravel. Popularity is an important factor of being a leader but to the majority, they simply need someone to blame when the situation goes awry. When the plan to easily defeat Sparta is met with unforseen circumstances in the form of a plague, people panic and turn to the leader and point their finger. Pericles is finned for a something as unforeseeable as a plague simply because it caused the people misfortune and they needed to blame someone.

He refused to be led by the people when they are thinking only of themselves, something that a good leader has to understand. The problem with leaders who only follow the feelings of the people are not thinking of the whole’s best interests. The long-term is in this case seen less signficant than the short-term. During their time of war, the Athenians needed a leader to take charge, understand the situation, and give counsel. A true leader doesn’t flatter the people like a sophist, but tells the truth. During times of triumph, a leader must bring them to reality and remind the people of troubles. When things go wrong he must also rally and build up their energy to carry on.

In Pericles fine for failing to foresee a plague that crippled the Athenian people, we see the result of how too much power to the people can be a negative thing. Popularity and momentary discomfort is a powerful factor to how people will act towards their leader. Their trust can easily be swayed in a frenzy of the feelings of a crowd in the moment and the problem is that trust is hard to acquire and easily lost. Leaders need to be competent and capable while the people trusting and symbiotic. Humans nature cannot make this work though. People will always be distrusting and will always wish to blame. Such is the problem with leaders, good and bad.

Intro Back Into Writing

I have gotten out of blogging for quite some time and I was a little sad about it but not really because I was very distracted by college. I’ve learned a lot this past semester and I have realized many of my strengths and weaknesses here.

I found out that I can be a responsible productive person all on my own which is pretty amazing. I also work very hard for myself and I have this need to get better at everything here at St John’s. I take it as a challenge and I don’t go back on something like that. (I’m very competitive)

My biggest problem here is my writing though. Go figure. Greek, music, math and so much more to fail at here but my one huge bump on the road is writing.

I was told to practice writing so I guess I’m going to do that. It’s pretty easy to find stuff to write about here but finding the time is going to be the hard part.

What you are going to find hopefully from now on is my writing on some of the program material I learn here in college. This is all to get better at writing essays and practice helps so why not right?

Honestly the latest paper I turned in was my best so far and I was very happy with it. If I continue to work hard, writing essays will be so much more easier. At least I hope so, I just have to think positively.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that my writing for the most part won’t be in this format from now on but I assure you the content will be very interesting because honestly, what I learn here is the coolest stuff ever.

30: Reaching out is hard

I have a hard time starting to talk to people. I am what you would call a little anti-social. It’s an actual problem for people, those of whom are good with speaking to others. Some people just don’t like to talk to people they don’t know at first.

I have a mild case of the problem. I can’t exactly say that I’m completely anti-social because I do talk to others if put in that situation and while I am awkward, people find me pleasant to talk to. I just can’t start a conversation well.

Other people find it easier to take a first step and be friendly. I myself, am not this kind of person. For me reaching out is hard. That might make what my next step in life a little hard for me.

I’m going off to college and it’s in another state with no one I know anywhere nearby. I will be utterly alone with no one I know from before.

You can see how that can be a little daunting for me.

With this problem I find I can’t exactly escape the fear that it will be hard for me there but I also feel so reassured that this was the best choice for me.

Going out of my comfort zone a little at a time has always been my plan and this is just another step.

If I break it down I can reach out a little at a time and make a new friend each time then I should be fine.

In a months time I will be in a place alone with no old friend to help me through my new life.

It’s going to be great.